How My Motto Almost Broke Me

“1% improvement every day is 37.7x better in a year.” I have held this belief for my entire career so far and it almost destroyed me.

In my 20s, it was a very powerful motto for me to live by. I was motivated to do whatever it took to advance in my career - I worked extra to push forward my projects, or prepare whatever to get my next promotion. I believe every single day I am not spend on advancing my goal will be a waste of time. I either advance or stagnate. I keep accumulating.

Everything started to crack when my son was born. With all the new responsibilities on the shoulders of my wife and I, we still decided to break away from the social norm - we would take them on without a helper. We believe by taking on the gritty daily chore, we were earning something money cannot buy: freedom, experience and resilience.

Suddenly my motto started to condemn me instead of motivating me. I was exhausted by a dilemma: I was urged by the need to provide the best for my family. In order to do so, I need to advance my career. But in order to advance my career in my old job, I was constantly reminded my expectation to “all-in” as a startup executive. “All-in” in the context means I cannot provide some parts of what my family needed, such as energy, time and attention. So I cannot do both.

I was stuck in a joyless limbo.

This situation has put me through a lot of weight and it forced me to take a hard look at myself. I found out my motivation of improvement was fundamentally wrong. Before, I improved to impress others, I improved to seek approval, and most importantly, I improved because I am afraid. I am afraid of the apparent stagnation will lead to my downfall. I will be worthless and irrelevant. And now I am stuck, I became less and less relevant and competent on the outlook of myself.

I has became what I feared.

In this ruin of my self-worth, suddenly it dawned on me a non-negotiable. And from that I rebuilt my motivation on a better foundation - I am inherently worthy.

I don’t need to prove to anyone I am worthy. Still I improve myself every day, but this time I do so out of my fulfillment and to serve, instead of the external validation and societal pressure. I found out I still love building products and writing, now I do so with a solid foundation on why. Gradually I made some bold moves with the support of my family and friends, and let’s see how this adventure brings me and my family to.

“1% improvement every day is 37.7x better in a year” still holds, with a catch: “Any improvement you don’t love won’t last - and that’s Okay.”